


Equals

by Irisen



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus is deep in denial, As in they don't meet in the same way, Character Study, Gellert Grindelwald Being an Asshole, M/M, Movie 2: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Spoilers, Pre-Movie, Slight Canon Divergence, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 12:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16661405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irisen/pseuds/Irisen
Summary: "Is it true then, that you were like brothers?""No. We were more."And, for a time, they were.





	Equals

They said they loved each other like brothers, but that was a lie. Albus never had any love for his brother and, if he felt affection for his sister, it was not strong, not deep enough to save her in the end. The love he had for Gellert could not be compared to the one he had for his siblings for the simple reason that it was so, so much stronger than that. Gellert was his friend, his partner, his rival, his equal. He was his missing half, a part of his heart that didn't live in his body but still belonged to him, in all the ways that mattered.

Maybe this is why he couldn't kill him, in the end.

 

They met in 1896, when Albus was 15 and Gellert was 16. They met in Durmstrang, in December and in the middle of a snowstorm. Albus had just made the trip from the nearest Muggle town to the school and was absolutely frozen, body shaking and teeth shattering. He was supposed to be part of an information exchange, the best student of one school going to study in another for a few months to compare their teaching methods, but he ended up doing much more, there, in Eastern Europe.

He learned how to speak German in the corner of an abandonned classroom, after countless mock-duels and dangerously unsupervised magical experiences. He learned it between kisses and embraces and the ever consuming feeling of belonging that overcame him whenever he was with _him_. It was a mad, irresponsible time in his life and one he often remembers with a wry smile and a pang of longing.

They parted ways in May, when Albus had to go back to Hogwarts, and they exchanged adresses and promised to write to each other. They did so every week and, with each word written in ink, he could feel their bond grow stronger and stronger. He thought that, if soulmates existed, this was what finding his would feel like.

One week before the beginning of July, Gellert told him that he had bought a small flat in the village Albus' family lived in. He knew the German boy had next to no money to his name and that he shouldn't be able to afford a place to live in but the bubbles of happiness in his chest were enough for him to forget about that. Instead of worrying he laughed and cried with joy and, when Gellert moved in, he pushed him onto his new bed and kissed him passionately. This was what love felt like, he told him the next morning, this was perfect.

 

They were sixteen and seventeen and their relationship was a tabboo but it was one they shared without any hesitation. It was much easier to keep a secret when they were doing it as a team and Albus never had any problem lying to his brother's face about what he was doing and where he was going. Alberforth must have suspected something, in the end, but they had never been on the best of terms anyways, so it didn't bother him that much.

 

Gellert went back to Durmstrang for his last year and Albus to Hogwarts for his sixth. Both of them flew through the course work with ease and, when they came back to each other, Gellert had a new obsession and Albus a new passion. In between talks of curses and countercurses, they discussed the Deathly Hallows and the power of immortality. These discussions of legends and magic turned to ones of rituals and spells and, one night, sitting next to a lake, under the pale moonlight, Gellert mentioned a dream he often had, told him he wanted to one day rule the world with him by his side, together, above everyone else, rulers, kings.

Albus was young, naïve and in love and, in that moment, nothing looked more perfect than conquering the world with his lover. The two of them were clever and powerful, surely they would make perfect emperors for this new world they wanted to build, surely they could lead the Wizarding World to places it could never have found on its own.

While he went back to studying things he already knew and dazzling professors he had surpassed in every ways years ago, Gellert started travelling and growing in power. They saw each other in October and, in only a few months, the other man had grown almost twice as powerful than he had been this past summer. With pride, he showed him dozens of letters and torn pages, a wild goose hunt he had been on since the end of the summer. As he read them, Albus couldn't help but believe that his lover would, just like he said, soon find one of the Hallows.

The dream of them ruling together seemed even closer now and, when Gellert presented him with a long, elegantly crafted Elder wand, Albus knew that it was only a question of time before it became a reality. Whenever he thought about it, his heart beat faster in his chest and his head spun. Gellert and him above the world, this was perfect, this was everything he wanted.

At least, that was what Gellert whispered to him at night, before they fell asleep.

 

One day, a few weeks after his last day of school, Albus looked at a couple down the streets of London, at the little girl the man held in his arms and at the way the woman laughed, happy and carefree, whenever he said a word. They looked happy and, for some reason, it tugged slightly at his heart.

He was happy with Gellert, he truly was, especially now that they were both gaining in power and reputation, but this, this was something he could never have.

 

When he reached his ninenteenth birthday, he followed Gellert on a hike in the middle of the forest to gather some rare plants for a ritual. At some point, he wandered a bit too far away into the woods and, even if a simple flick of his wrist could guide him to his lover, he didn't bother with it. Instead, he leaned back against the bark of an old oak tree and thought about a small cottage full of books and days filled with happiness and carefree joy. Then he thought about a cold throne and a crown caked in blood on his head and he shivered.

He wanted power, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to rule the world.

 

"He's bad for you." Aberforth kept telling him. "You need to distance yourself."

 

He's bad for you, he screamed again, as a rogue spell hit Ariana, why can't you see that?

 

Distantly, Albus could in fact see that Gellert had changed him, was still changing him, and that the person he was shaping to be wasn't nice. He did cry at his little sister's funerals, but it was mostly out of guilt because, even if he refused to admit it, he knew full well who had dealt her the killing blow, and he wasn't sure if he could live with it.

Except he could, because Gellert was there and Gellert always knew what to say to calm him down. He let him cry for a while then made him forcefully stand from their bed and led him to the window of their new London flat. Holding his chin with one hand, he forced him to look out at the city and, smiling, whispered in his ear about how all that would one day be theirs, about how they would be together until the end.

"I don't want to fight you ever again." Albus whispered, his eyes stinging and his mouth dry.

"We won't fight," Gellert answered, sounding amused. "We'll always be together, I promise."

 

But promises were empty when you had no self control and Albus, who had sworn to protect his little sister, knew that better than anyone else. He pushed and pushed until, one day, his lover took him to the woods next to what they now thought of as _their_ _village_ and they cut their hands together, watching their blood mix and two droplets fall onto a beautiful glass pendant.

"I'll keep it for you," Gellert told him, "so that I will never forget."

There was something secretive in the way he smiled, something that should have put Albus on edge but he was so used by it by now, so used to walking the fine line that separated the dark from the light that he only smiled and brought the other man closer to him. This was fine, everything would turn alright in the end, as long as they stayed together.

 

"What do you think about Muggles?" Gellert asked, on the dawn of his twenty-first birthday.

"What do you mean?"

Albus had been reading a paper that had just been published about the unknown mechanics of human transfiguration and had, so far, been completely absorbed in it. The question, spoken out of the blue by a bored-looking Gellert made him pause slightly and he tilted his head in confusion.

"Do you think we should keep hiding from them?"

He frowned at that and looked down at the magazine he held in his hands. Muggles and wizards were meant to be apart, he knew that better than anyone by now, and Gellert should know that too, he had been there for Arianna's death, had seen what she had become, what they had done to her.

"Muggles can be cruel," he said slowly, "I think we would be better keeping away from them."

Gellert hummed thoughtfully but didn't push the matter, turning his attention back to the article he was writing for a research publication. It was something about wild magic and the form it could take in children and older wizards. Albus had frowned when he had seen its subject, but he had not said anything, not wanting to aggravate his lover.

That day, the man's question seemed so forgettable that it would take him years to remember and realise its importance. Even as a twenty-two year old, Gellert was set in his ways, he had probably made his choices very early on.

 

The first time Albus used black magic, Gellert was there by his side, watching his every moves. Unlike dark magic, which was often used by light oriented wizards, so-called black magic focused solely on the emotions of anger, fear and hatred, something he had thought he would be unable to channel but that, in the end, came very easily to him. He had felt these emotions more often than most people, after all, and he only had to call upon the memory of his little sister to feel dread rise in his heart.

A phoenix shaped out of black flames licked at the clouds above them and, for one second, Gellert who, even with the Elder wand, had only managed to form a dragon of half this size, looked amazed.

Then, he turned to look at him and his eyes where full of something that seemed a little bit like greed.

"You're mine." He told Albus.

"Of course." He answered, because it was true.

 

When he turned twenty five, Albus recieved a letter from the current Headmaster of Hogwarts, asking him if he would like to fill in the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher for a year, while the current teacher took a sabbatical to travel the world and learn new fighting techniques. He didn't bother discussing it with Gellert, who had taken plenty of life-changing decisions without waiting for his input, and only brought it up one morning, as they sat next to each other on the living room sofa, basking in the warmth of the June sun.

"This is a waste of time," he complained, looking at him with slightly annoyed eyes. Albus shrugged at this and rolled his own eyes, telling him that teaching the next generation of wizards was in no way a waste of his time. For some reason, Gellert's eyes lit up at that and he nodded, muttering something about persuasion and how it was easier for the youth.

His stomach twisted when he heard the conclusion his lover had come to but he didn't bother telling him that, in fact, he just wanted to try out teaching to see if he liked it. He had not forgotten about his and Gellert's shared goal, of course, but, over the years and with his own magical power growing and growing without any sign of ever stopping, he had put it in the back of his mind, focusing on other things instead. Things like the fact that he and Gellert now shared a house, or like the warm feeling he had whenever he managed to make a child smile or laugh in delight.

 

As it turned out, he loved to teach, and his students loved to learn from him.

 

As much as meeting Gellert felt like finding the other hald of his heart, his first class felt like finding something that had always been missing from him without he ever noticing. The missing piece of his life snapped into place with ease and, suddenly, he knew that this was going to be his life, that he would dedicate his years to teaching and helping magical children.

For some reason, despite how excited he was about this, he didn't tell Gellert.

The other man was more and more focused on their self-appointed mission nowadays and, when they hit thirty and thirty-one respectively, he was spending most of his time travelling in Europe and making political connections. By now, Albus had left Hogwarts, since the teacher he had been filling in for had returned, but he did so with a strong letter of recommandation and an offer to come back whenever he wanted to. However, despite this new found freedom, he found himself enjoying less and less the circles Gellert was entering in his hunt for power. Sure, it wasn't like he was above a bit of manipulation to get what he wanted but only seeing the faces of Pureblood wizards started to annoy him, especially since they all seemed to share the same odd idea that, perhaps, wizards and Muggles shouldn't be kept apart as they were.

 

"We can call upon forces they can't imagine," one woman told him, during a party Gellert had thrown, in the summer of 1912, "and we're supposed to hide in the shadows and fear them? I don't think so. These laws are _not_ made for our safety."

Annoyed, he left the party as soon as he could, finding a hiding place in the garden of the large castle they had rented for the occasion, and settling down at the base of a tree, half expecting Gellert to join him and ask him, with a knowing smile, what was wrong with him. He entertained this fantasy for a good thirty minutes before realising that the other man would never come and that he would be better off just going home and finishing the letters he was supposed to send to his _own_ political contacts.

So, he did just that.

 

When Gellert came back home, in the wee hours of the morning, he pretended to be asleep and most definitely did not flinch when, after sitting down next to him in bed, his lover touched his hair and whispered, sounding darkly possessive :

"You are mine."

 

In the years preceding the Great War, Albus and Gellert barely saw each other, the first being busy studying new forms of magic and meeting people everywhere he went and the second furthering his grip on the nation's pureblood society. They only spent a few nights a month together now and, when they met during the days, it was often for something purely professional. Gellert had taken to ask Albus a lot of theorical questions and, sometimes, requesting him to do rituals and complex pieces of spellwork.

Albus, who was still very much infatuated with the German boy he had met in Durmstrang, more than ten years ago, complied and did his best to pretend like he didn't smell the stench of dark magic and blood that followed Gellert everywhere he went.

 

The war came and Albus, who had until now been a somewhat famous theorician and reputed duelist, became a battlefield legend.

He had always been powerful, and his years with Gellert had made him near unstoppable. With a flick of his wand, he levelled entire fields, with a simple world, he turned a peaceful forest into an inferno of fire and death.

He became a symbol for the struggling Ministry, the most powerful weapon the british government had, the man who would save them all. He basked in their gratitude and quietly enjoyed the trust they had in his opinion, he accepted everything they offered him and gave back as much as he could. This wasn't quite owning the world, he thought as the minister turned to him before making yet another important decision, but it felt a little like running it.

Hogwarts' DADA teacher died during the war and, when he was offered a choice between keeping up his work as a member of the Wizenmagot and replacing him, Albus chose to do both.

 

Gellert did not understand.

 

"Why are you going back?" He asked, putting his shirt back on after a quick meeting they had in Albus' Ministry office.

"Because I like it," he answered honestly. "And I want to do it."

"Don't you want to come with me?"

 

He thought about his answer, he really did. A few years ago, before the war, he woud have followed Gellert without any hesitation but now, nearly past his prime and used to seeing the happy smiles of children every day, he wondered. He still loved Gellert with all his heart but, as time wore on, the smell of blood and darkness was getting harder and harder to ignore and so were the whispered discussions he sometimes heard, when he passed him by at one of his parties.

Seeing his hesitation, Gellert stepped forward and grabbed his chin, tilting it upwards. They looked at each other for a long time before, finally, the German spoke :

"Follow me."

Follow me.

Not "I need you by my side" or "We're in this together" but "Follow me". An order, not a request, something you said to a subordinate, not to an equal.

Follow me.

Albus stood up and, distantly, he knew that his usually calm and schooled features were now showing signs of anger and annoyance. Barely able to contain his temper, he answered, arms crossed, chin raised in defiance :

"No."

Gellert took a few steps back, as if he had been punched. For a second, Albus allowed himself to hope that, perhaps, a refusal was all it took for his lover to realise just how wrong their relationship had gotten over the past few years but, when the man looked up, there was no sadness, no guilt, just pure, unadulterated anger.

"Albus..." He warned, in a low, low voice, his fists clenching. "Don't-"

"Gellert." He interrupted him. "You have no rights giving me orders."

He didn't wait around to see the dark wizard's reaction to his words, only grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and left his office, not really knowing where he was supposed to go now that this was over.

Now that _they_ were over.

 

Years later he would remember it all, his happiness, his mistakes and his loneliness, as a former student of his handed him the results of the Blood Pact he had formed, decades earlier, with the man he had thought would be the love of his life. Looking at it was like looking through a window to the past and, as he pocketed it, he remembered being twenty, naïve and in love, and he couldn't help but chuckle at his own idiocy.

 

To think that, back then, he thought that Gellert and him would always be together.

 

Oh, how foolish he had been.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just watched movie two. I didn't like it very much (especially the final twist -_-) but I absolutely loved Jude Law as Dumbledore so I had to write something in honour of his glorious interpretation of my favourite manipulative headmaster.
> 
> This is not beta read and not proof read yet but I'll come back later to do it.
> 
> Also I know the summary does not use the exact quote but I saw the movie in French so idk what it is in English.


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